Coaching

In Internal Family Systems practice, we take it as given that every part of who you are is doing its very best to keep you alive and safe — but when parts of you are causing you pain, it’s hard to believe they mean well. Listen to how “Michelle” is wary of some of her parts.

The idea that you can heal just by making friends with various parts of your inner life — how can that possibly be true? The skeptical parts of us are wise to demand an answer. Here I explain exactly how the IFS model is supposed to work by explaining how it’s similar to my client’s line of work.

The part of “Michelle” who’s giving her intense nausea clearly has a lot of information for her — but before she can inquire, another part of her intervenes to put “shields up” against the bad feeling. Rather than persisting, we honor its protective wisdom and back off. See what happens when we do.

When you start paying attention to your inner world, parts of you may use strong sensations to get your attention. Here, a part of “Michelle” floods her with nausea — uncomfortable, but bearable. This illustrates a crucial point: as long as you can observe a feeling, it can’t overwhelm you.

When you’re experiencing emotional suffering, deliberately turning your attention inward can be daunting. Before I invite my client to start paying attention to her inner world, I explain why, and reassure her that she can stop at any time. Can you catch three requests for consent in this clip?

Having mixed feelings is a common experience — and it’s the easiest, most direct way to begin exploring the complexity of our inner communities. During the first few minutes of this demonstration session, see if you can track all the different ways “Michelle” is feeling.