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Coaching

As a coach, I support complicated people as they explore their internal worlds, understand and value every part of who they are, and live with inner harmony. These posts are about my coaching work.

Screenshot of a Zoom with two people. “Michelle” is saying, “Breaking News: Michelle Didn’t Do It!” We’re both laughing.

Demo session 8: Planning for the week to come

A coach or therapist can help you make sense of your own inner world, but you’re the only person who can make the choice to pay attention. In this final moment in our demonstration, “Michelle” and I negotiate a daily practice of internal inquiry that feels doable for her. Do you think she’ll do it?

Screenshot of a Zoom with two people. “Michelle” is saying, “I also feel like, um, it feels dangerous.”

Demo session 7: Paying attention to inner wisdom

When we’re trying to heal hurting parts of ourselves, “slow is fast.” If we rush toward our pain too quickly, protective parts of us will redouble their efforts to keep the pain at bay. That’s why we insist on honoring every protective impulse as it appears — just as we do in this clip.

Screenshot of a Zoom with two people. “Michelle” is saying, “That’s really not helpful!”

Demo session 6: Learning about positive intentions

In Internal Family Systems practice, we take it as given that every part of who you are is doing its very best to keep you alive and safe — but when parts of you are causing you pain, it’s hard to believe they mean well. Listen to how “Michelle” is wary of some of her parts.

Demo session 5: Explaining the theory

Demo session 5: Explaining the theory

The idea that you can heal just by making friends with various parts of your inner life — how can that possibly be true? The skeptical parts of us are wise to demand an answer. Here I explain exactly how the IFS model is supposed to work by explaining how it’s similar to my client’s line of work.

Screenshot of a Zoom with two people. “Michelle” is saying, “In my body I was feel like, ‘Shields!’”

Demo session 4: Honoring protective responses

The part of “Michelle” who’s giving her intense nausea clearly has a lot of information for her — but before she can inquire, another part of her intervenes to put “shields up” against the bad feeling. Rather than persisting, we honor its protective wisdom and back off. See what happens when we do.

Screenshot of a Zoom with two people. I’m saying, “It’s not all of who you are.”

Demo session 3: Meeting a part who feels anxious

When you start paying attention to your inner world, parts of you may use strong sensations to get your attention. Here, a part of “Michelle” floods her with nausea — uncomfortable, but bearable. This illustrates a crucial point: as long as you can observe a feeling, it can’t overwhelm you.

Screenshot of a Zoom with two people. I’m saying, “If it ever starts to feel like too much, just say so, and we’ll back off.”

Demo session 2: Why turning inward requires consent

When you’re experiencing emotional suffering, deliberately turning your attention inward can be daunting. Before I invite my client to start paying attention to her inner world, I explain why, and reassure her that she can stop at any time. Can you catch three requests for consent in this clip?